Before I get into this month’s post, there is an important clarification I want to make in regards to the September post based on responses from some folks who follow our post faithfully. Several people commented that they were glad I wrote about this topic because they too are annoyed by people who do not pick up after their dogs!
I wanted to more clearly explain what I intended to lift up in the post. It wasn’t about “calling out” the other owners for their behavior or even my anger at their perceived thoughtlessness, but rather how I was going to deal with that anger creatively and not allow it to have a negative effect on my overall health. Actually, I tried to take it a step further and look for ways to get it to work for me in a positive way.
This post probably needs a similar proviso. Although it might be tempting to judge the gentleman in the upcoming story, it isn’t about criticizing his actions, but more importantly using them as an opportunity to reflect on times when we all attempt to justify an action or behavior that isn’t appropriate, sensitive or fair.
The incident in question occurred at an amazing fresh produce stand close to our new home which I’m assuming started out years ago with a local farmer loading up a farm wagon with sweet corn he or she just picked and pulling it to a vacant spot in their field next to a busy road. Today it’s a popular, well-known spot; 13 ears for $4 or 3 for a dollar! If you arrive around 8:00 am the dew is still on the corn!
I arrived one day about 8:10 am and there was already a crowd of folks gathered around both wagons filling their bags. As I began picking out my corn, I overheard the woman next to me quietly telling her husband, “That’s more than thirteen ears!” He quickly shot back, “Who cares? Everyone does it, do you think I’m the only one taking extra ears?” His voice clearly indicated he was upset with her.
She glanced at me knowing I heard what they said, obviously embarrassed. I smiled and pondered my next step, if any? These are very awkward situations for me! He then said, “They will never know!”
His wife was again staring right at me. I wondered if she thought I was going to report them to the owner?
At this point I feel I should offer a quick CAUTION! Don’t necessarily do what I did next! I’m not suggesting that what I did was the “right” or best response. It is just what I did, with little or no forethought. I looked at the man and said quietly, “You’re correct, the owners will probably never know; however, the real struggle is that you know?”
His wife gave me a slight smile and then looked straight into her husband’s eyes. I quickly took my corn to the counter, paid and left.
This post isn’t about this gentleman and a few ears of corn! But rather a self-challenge to reflect on how we tend to justify or excuse behaviors that we don’t feel good about, sometimes even pushing those feelings so far down within ourselves that they are difficult to access, let alone name.
Plastic pollution can harm marine and land animals through accidental ingestion and entanglement, as well as habitat degradation.
These repressed and unaddressed feelings, emotions and thoughts take a toll on us in a wide variety of ways impacting various areas of our overall health, including mental, emotional, physical, relational, etc.! (If you’d like to know more about the 10 areas of wellness, check out my past posts by looking under “Total Wellness” in Topics.)
This self-justifying behavior comes up more times than you would expect once you start looking for it. Here are a couple of examples that I caught myself wrestling with in just the past few weeks!
For myself personally, it is important to me to use reusable produce bags to avoid adding to the “plastic problem” polluting the environment. However, the other day I found myself in the car before I realize I’d forgotten to bring my bags along. We live on the fourth floor, so clambering up all those stairs didn’t excite me.
“Don’t worry about it; most folks use the plastic bags!” I tried telling myself. “Really, what difference is two plastic bags going to make anyway?”
However, as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I knew if I didn’t get the reusable bags, I would be betraying the commitment I had made to myself. To bolster my resolve to go back for them, I came up with a two-pronged strategy. First, I tried to picture a nearby farmer’s field with thousands and thousands of plastic bags covering the field and blowing everywhere (not a pleasant image!). And second, I reframed climbing the three flights of stairs as a built-in exercise program that I was getting for free!
It was enough to get me to hoof it upstairs. And once I did, the satisfying feeling of having done the right thing and being true to my commitment was well worth the trouble (and probably more important than the actual environmental impact of two plastic bags).
Another example occurred when Rita and I stopped at a gas/fast food chain for a sandwich and I picked up several extra plastic utensils and napkins to keep in the car when we are on outings in the future. I said to myself, “Who does that really hurt? It’s a big corporation; they’re no angels themselves. Besides, ‘they’ surely expect folks will take a few extra!”
But what does the fact that I’m still thinking about it and actually writing about it say about the hidden toll it has taken on me? What if who it hurts most is me?
QUESTIONS FOR DEEPENING THE SPIRITUAL JOURNEY
- Do you sometimes do things that you know aren’t right or up to your own standards? Do you fail to follow through on what you say you will do and break commitments you have made to others or yourself? What are some examples? If you can’t think of anything, do you think that could indicate you are in some level of denial?
- What would you do if you knew with 100% certainty you wouldn’t be caught? Is your commitment to “do the right thing” based on external forces or does it come from within? How do you even know what the “right” thing is—is it what you have been told or what you have determined for yourself?
- When you violate your own code of ethics, what do you tell yourself to justify your behavior? Do you ever use the “but everybody’s doing it” excuse? Does this actually convince you? Why or why not?
- What effect does acting without integrity have on a person, even if no one else knows about it? Does it have an impact on their trust in and respect for themselves? Which areas of wellness (i.e. relational, emotional, environmental, etc.) could it influence?
- In your personal experience, what have been the consequences of violating what you knew to be right? How did you feel afterwards?
- How might living with “radical” integrity in both small and large ways change your life?
- Are you willing to commit to radical integrity? Why or why not?